Tired, Ten Pounds Lighter

Stress will do that to you.  Deny you sleep, deny you appetite.  Still, ten pounds in one week probably isn’t healthy.

On the plus side, I look good.

Joining The Crowd

If I’ve been a little more silent than normal, it’s because this week my job was—the euphemism of the day—”reengineered.”

I’ve been sacked, fired, made redundant.

They were pretty decent about it, and I have 3 1/2 months before my last day. 

But I feel the massive despair and depression right around the corner, waiting for me.

My Littlest is Fine, But Wet

So thank you to all the well-wishers out there.  My littlest is fine.  I don’t know if he didn’t actually ingest any medicine, or if it had no effect, or if the charcoal worked, but we’re beyond the danger zone, and everything is fine.

Now if we could only potty train the little guy, everything would be roses.  He’s adamant about everything.  “Do you need to go to the potty?”  “NO!”  And five seconds later he pees on the couch.

View, Straight Up

View, Straight Up

Originally uploaded by Hank LNU

A nice barbeque afternoon with my in-laws. Brother-in-law and sister-
in-law, that is.

A *very* nice afternoon.

A Crappy Memorial Day

So where did you spend Memorial Day?  In the emergency room?  No?  Well, then your day was better than mine.

I was out in the morning doing some errands when I got a call from Mrs. LNU saying that our youngest had gotten into her bag, into a zippered compartment, gotten his hands on a bottle of her thyroid medicine, somehow had opened a “child-proof” cap, and “ate some of mommy’s candy.”  Three pills, he said.

Now, on the plus side, I got to find out what going 85mph in a Honda minivan feels like.  We threw our kids, still in their PJs, into the car and rode to the hospital.  Mrs. LNU went in while I waited outside with the other three.  We didn’t want to wait in the waiting room because the whole thing was filled with people with surgical masks on, supposedly to prevent swine flu.  We’ll leave the difference between being protected and feeling protected for another post.  Suffice it to say that my already freaked out wife wasn’t ready to have our other three sitting in the flu trough.  So outside we went.

Can I digress a moment?  Why is it that a hospital cafeteria would sell a prepackaged muffin with 540 calories and 3.4 billion grams of fat?  Are they trying to drum up business?  Meanwhile, one bad cup of coffee and one dripping-with-fat muffin later, with my other kids having had their chocolate milk and Rice Krispies etc., and having exhausted other things to do (my daughters racing each other, up the stairs and down the handicap ramp, each going the opposite way), we went back to sit outside the ER.  Then we finally got to join Mrs. LNU and the youngster in the ER, where his teeth were black from drinking the charcoal stuff they use to bind the medicine.  Our pediatrician says he’s not worried at this point, although the ER doctor told us that Poison Control said that the particular medicine takes about five days to really get up to levels they can detect.  So another couple of days and I can sleep again.

And of course Mrs. LNU and I were snapping at each other the rest of the day, bleeding off the stress from the morning.  So it was one argument after another, over the most stupid, meaningless things.  Those of you who are married will know exactly what I’m talking about, how the stupidest things spark an argument when you’re stressed from some other reason.  So we end up arguing about where on the dining room table we put the mail, when we’re really just worried about our kid.

I hope you had a better Memorial Day than I did.

A New Reader

Everyone please welcome Mrs. LNU to the ranks of my readers.

She doesn’t really get the whole blogging thing.  And she’s a little more private than I am.  (Hi, I’m Hank.  I overshare.  Hi Hank!). 

But I love her more than anything, and she wants to read it.

That said, she’ll probably never actually read it.  Sometimes I think it’s the “I can” versus the “I actually want to.”  I think that’s probably common to women.  (It’s certainly not to men.)

So let’s keep the rowdiness to a minimum, shall we?

The Face in the Ceiling

The Face in the Ceiling

Originally uploaded by Hank LNU

I feel very looked down upon.

Why Bother

You know, one of my favorite things about blogging is getting to know other bloggers.  Reading their comments, even getting to know their commenters.  I met some really great people in the last 5 or 6 years since I’ve been blogging.  Some I’ve met in real life, some only through telephone, IM, or the back-and-forth in the comments section.

So I really like leaving comments, cause that’s where it all starts.

Except in this case.  I came across a new site, good pictures, interesting writing.  So I thought I’d leave a comment.

Along with the other 405 people who had already done so.

Seriously.  405?!  What’s the point, really?  It’s not like this person is ever going to respond to the comment, much less start a dialogue.

Anyway, if you want to follow the thronging masses, go check out Pioneer Woman.  But beware the crowds.

Manly Things

I think I need to go kill a wild animal with my bare hands.  Or watch a football game with beer and chips, with other guys.  Or go to a bar and use a cheesy pickup line on a semi-drunk woman.  Manly things.

I say this because I was leaving my house this morning and noticed that the snail colony was back.  I have bushes lining the walkway from my house to the street.  In the bushes are lots of snails.  In the morning, I walk out and have to avoid the 30-40 snails in my walkway.  I didn’t see the snails all winter.

So today, I noticed the snails again.  And I realized that I kind of missed the snails.  I said to myself, “oh! the snails are back,” and there was a warm fuzzy feeling as I realized that I had missed the snails.

Followed immediately by a need to hit myself in the face and man up.

Now, because of some mean woman on the subway who felt it necessary to sing to herself (and everyone else on my side of the train), I have Alanis Morisette’s “Ironic” going through my head.

Manly things.  Think manly things.

Another Homage to Jane

Dear Life,

If you’re going to make me wear a mask to bed, can you at least make it so the mask doesn’t make the bridge of my nose break out in little pimples every week?

I’d really appreciate it.

Hank

Man Up

It’s the flu. Dangerous for children and the elderly.

Just like it’s been for the past 20 years.

No need for riots.

This reminds me of something I read or heard once about local news. Once I started listening for it, I saw how right this was. Local news needs to scare you into watching it. No one watches local news any more. There’s national news, and the Internet. Local news is basically nothing anymore. So, in order to get you to watch, they need to make you think that there’s something on tonight that you just can’t miss. So the promos always go something like, “see how the latest craze affects your children.” “See how eating disorders are hitting local families.” Something to make it relevant to you. 

That’s what the news on Swine Flu is like.  Oh No!  There are 7 reported cases in Germany.  Who gives a shit? 

I remember before the internet where nothing that happened Europe, news, I mean, came to the US, so we didn’t fear anything that happened there.  These days, if a child is kidnapped in Ohio, we’ll hear about it 10 minutes later along with the street cam pictures of the abduction.  So people are a lot more afraid now, because of that.  People simply know more of what’s happened.  That strikes me as both good and bad.

Thoughts, Internet?

Still Awesome

Now I have this in my head: di-dee, di-dee, di-dee, dee.

Go watch, from my blogger blog:

http://hanklnu.blogspot.com/2006/09/awesome.html

Tongue and Cheek

You know what I hate? When people get the phrase wrong. It’s the written equivalent of getting the words to a song wrong.

That said, I’ve been guilty of this myself.

I started a blog once called “for all intensive purposes.” nnnnhh! (that’s a buzzer sound, by the way). It’s “for all intents and purposes.”

I used to think that Steve Winwood’s song was “Bring me a pie of love.” Don’t ask. I must have been really hungry the day I came up with that one. Instead of “bring me a higher love.”

I still don’t know what the hell Bruce Springsteen is saying in Thunder Road, “skeleton frames of burned out…” … something. I don’t think the next word is in English. Listen to the song and tell me I’m wrong.

I just read an Amazon review that called a book’s tone “tongue and cheek.” Just in case you were wondering, it’s “tongue in cheek.” That phrase has various stories of its origin, I don’t know which one is true.

How about you…what are your favorite misphrasings?

Stupidity

Hmm…let’s see. We need pictures of Air Force One. Where should we get them?

I know! Let’s fly a huge converted 747 over lower Manhattan.

But we need good pictures, close up.

So let’s fly really, really low.

And we need some drama.

So let’s fly some F-16 fighter jets after it.

The fact that the above represented an actual thought process astounds.

The fact that no one thought to say, “is this a good idea?” also astounds.

In good news, one of my employees called me—several times before she got through to me (I was on another call)—to tell me to flee the building. Nice to know she doesn’t want me dead.

Haiku to Google Reader

Oh Google Reader!
You send me many people.
Anonymously.

Perpetually Impressed

I’m frankly impressed they printed my reply.  The reply had to be “moderated” and I was dubious.

Irony Alert

Two lines from the same article in today’s New York Times’ Vows section.  And yes, that’s regular reading for me.

BENJAMIN MACFARLAND III spent years dating women who had little interest in anything beyond sunbathing, horseback riding and going to clubs — an attitude that was far from unusual in Palm Beach, Fla., where his family has lived for four generations.  Mr. Macfarland, 28, …knew that he needed more. He felt even emptier and more dissatisfied with his personal life when his father died in 2004 after undergoing surgery.

[I'm going to have this same quote in the "Non-Sequitur Alert" which will be the next post.  That father's-passing line came out of nowhere!]

But just a little further down in the same article…

At a cocktail party in 2006 he was introduced to Christina Matthews, who had moved to New York after graduating from the University of North Carolina. Given his own roots, he already knew that Ms. Matthews was a descendant of Henry Morrison Flagler, a founder of Standard Oil and master builder of Florida’s east coast. Yet it was her eyes, not her family history, that intrigued Mr. Macfarland that night.

“When I saw her I got lost in her blue eyes,” he said. “I always wanted to marry a brunette with blue eyes.”

No shame there at all.  First paragraph, he’s a deep, sensitive soul with a need for a deep connection.  Not 10 seconds later, he’s all “as long as she’s easy on the eyes, who cares about other things like what she wants from life.”  Oh, I’m sorry.  She’s also well pedigreed.

Or am I just cranky this morning?

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts

Many, many times have I told you about “the best show on television.” I think it was The Wire. Battlestar Galactica is up there, of course.

Tonight let me tell you about Friday Night Lights.

Seemingly cancelled, twice, I think. It just keeps coming back for more. And delivering high-quality scripted drama, every week. Now, don’t get me wrong, there were several episodes last season where they almost lost me. The Landry/Tyra I-killed-someone subplot had me reaching for the remote, I admit. But Zach Gilford is either completely like that in real life, or else he is one of the best—if not the best—actor on television today, bar none. I know that TV shows about high schoolers played by people in their 30s gets annoying, but this is well worth it. From Coach Taylor’s Texas reticence, to Buddy Garrity’s Texas flamboyance, the creators of this show have captured Texas football.

But this is not a show about football. It uses football to examine its characters, and the tensions that flow behind the game. Brilliantly, in my humble opinion.

Check out the pilot, and episode two of season one called Eyes Wide Open. The last scene with Matt and the coach are worth it all. Zach puts so much into one line, and one lopsided smile. He’s in the same category as Andre Braugher from Homicide (which for me is the gold standard of television acting).

Disillusioned

I’m much less impressed with guitarists now.

Go here

A Really, Really Nice Sunday

I had such a nice Sunday, even though most of it was just us getting ready for Passover. Including lots of work around the house (which I normally hate). But then we were taken out to dinner by my mother-in-law—I have the best mother-in-law in the world—and, walking out of the restaurant, Mrs. LNU captured this picture. Me and the boys.

Night, with my sons

It’s hard to describe how much I love my boys. Seriously, they’d have to invent new technology to measure it. My youngest child, and second son, is getting to that age where he’s talking more and expressing himself, and he’s the cutest thing. My older son is a regular chatterbox already. And they’re so different. It’s crazy how different they are. And how early they get their own opinions. Whenever I ask, “do you want _______,” they each have a definite answer. For example, I’m frankly wondering how any son of mine can be a vegetarian. But my older son seems to naturally detest meat and chicken.

One day, I’ll tell you about how much I love my girls.

Finally. Something Bad About the iPhone

So it only took me about a year.

I finally figured out why not running background programs is bad. I downloaded this incredible app that lets you sign into multiple IM programs at the same time. Kind of like Meebo on the desktop, for the iPhone. The problem is, when I navigate away, because I can’t run Fring in the background. Apple doesn’t allow background programs on the iPhone.

Which led me to bad thing #2: battery life. The reason Apple doesn’t allow background programs to run is that they’ll eat battery life. Today, I had to bring my iPhone home to recharge it. Normally, I leave it on the charger at work. Today, no work. No charger. Which left me running home at 3pm to recharge the iPhone.

But it’s still the coolest thing ever.

Who Wants To Be A…Slumdog Millionaire?

Wow.

I just saw Slumdog Millionaire. Yes, for the first time.

And all I can say is, that was truly magnificent. The way they tied everything together….

And oh boy is it a date movie, kind of. If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean. Having a little boy’s eyes put out doesn’t trigger the “date movie” radar so much, but it just fit.

Boy, did it deserve that Oscar.

Unbeliever

I read this book series once, a truly great one, called the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever. Written by Stephen Donaldson, the six (now eight) books in the series are a truly amazing set of books.

That’s not what I’m writing about. The concept of unbelief, though, an outright refusal to believe what’s in front of your eyes, strikes me. Today, especially.

Why today? Because Mrs. LNU told me today of a web site that caters to Orthodox Jews. What kind of site, you ask? A site to tell them where to find good kosher food? A site to help them find a synagogue? A site to let them know where to buy yarmulkes?

No, it’s a site to help Orthodox Jews find someone to commit adultery with.

No, I won’t link to it, or even mention the name of the site. I see this as a sign of the decline of Western Civilization as we know it.

My point being, even after Mrs. LNU told me of the site, and I went and looked at it (with her on the phone…don’t think I didn’t see that snide comment coming a mile away), I didn’t believe it was real. I still think it’s a scam of some sort, or a ruse. The NY Post ran an article yesterday about it. The article said it has 350 members. I just don’t believe it.

Call me Hank the Unbeliever.

What do you think, Internet?

I’m Such A Hypocrite

Seriously, I’ve bought Kings every time it’s come on despite my promising not watch it any more; it’s turning into the show that I love to hate. For every really good scene, there’s a really ridiculous scene. Reminds me of my life…but that’s an entirely different post.

What Would Brian Boytano Do?

Oh. My. G-d.

I just youtubed the first-ever pilot of South Park. It’s late, and I almost woke up Mrs. LNU and little boy LNU with me holding back my laughter.

Jesus versus Santa.

Enjoy.