Dear boys,

It’s time—well past time—for you to start sleeping in your own beds. But if not, there are going to be certain things you need to do. First of all, my younger one, you need to learn that the place where the pillows are, that’s where you put your head. And you align yourself with your feet pointing toward the TV. You do not lie perpendicular to it. And stop kicking your mother. Because when you kick her, she says—quite loudly—“stop kicking me.” This wakes up your father. Stop the cycle of sleeplessness, is what I’m saying.

And my elder, you need to figure out that it’s not proper conduct to wake me up at 2am, 2:20am, 2:40am, 3:25am, and 4:30am telling me that you want covers. Just pull up the damn covers. I tuck you in at the beginning of the evening, when you first come into the room. It’s not acceptable for you to a) kick off the covers and then b) wake me up to tell me to give you covers.

I always say that my kids are priceless. Until about 3am, then you can probably pick one up pretty cheap.

Love always,

Your father, who has a bruise on his forehead from where it hit the keyboard.


3 responses to “Sleepytime

  1. How cheap are we talking? Gimmie a number.

  2. STOP the cycle of sleeplessness. AMEN!

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