News, and More News

So…let’s start with the good: I found a job. A good job. A better job. And let me just say: phew! Relaxation can now commence.

In other news, and not to jump on the wow-what-a-segue bandwagon, but this will be my last post. I’m retiring, again, from blogging.

A couple of reasons behind that: first, with me starting a new job, I’m just not gonna have the time. There are some other reasons I won’t get into, but bottom line is that it’s time for me to hang this up. I’ll keep up with the blogs I read, but I’ll basically be incommunicado for a good long while. No emails, comments, texts, or calls. I need some time apart. After some time, I might dabble, or resurrect the name. Time will tell. But Hank is no more.

I feel like MooCow.

Let’s Get Political (For a Second)

Now, I normally don’t post politics. It happens, and long-time readers know I’m a stark-raving far-right lunatic fairly conservative. It’s highly likely I will never say anything nice about anything our President says or does over the next four, or heaven forbid eight, years.

Except for this.

I saw Arne Duncan on Meet the Press last week, and have been meaning to blog about it every since. Wow, was he awesome. I wanted to go out and change my vote in the last election to Obama, just so I could say that I helped put that man in charge of Education. The man might have single-handedly changed my opinion about whether we need a federal DOE (having 50 state ones already). I’d support the DOE just so he’d have a job.

I hope it’s not just talk. It takes a lot for a politician to overcome my natural cynicism of, well, politicians. But he did it. He was articulate, passionate, knowledgeable, and right.

I just figured out why I liked him so much: he sounded…conservative.

Go on iTunes and look at the Meet the Press from last week.

News This Week

I hope to have some news this week about the job situation. Wish me luck.

A Great Find

I have no time right now, but go try Mel’s blog. It’s pretty cool.

Defying Gravity

I like this show.

“We can rethink our choices a million times, but what we decide…we own.”

And set to great music, which I’ll include in this post in the next day or so.

And it stars Ron Livingston, who I will always love from Office Space, but who also did a great, really great, job in Band of Brothers (as did so many others.) For a great scene with him, check out the 10:10min mark in the last episode, Rubicon, “I’ve walked on Mars. I’m just throwing that out there between colleagues.” And “How am I ranked 12th?! I could have tolerated 2nd because Ted Shaw is a hell of an astronaut, but 12th?!” (Ted was standing right next to him).

It also stars Malik Yoba (who plays Ted Shaw), who for some reason I know even though I went through IMDB and I don’t watch anything he’s been in. But I know I’ve seen him before (and liked him).

It also has a nice ensemble cast, including that woman from that really bad vampire show that somehow lasted a season. (Blood Ties. Thank heaven for IMDB). Most of the others are pretty much unknowns.

The show is set in two time periods (so far). The basic plot is this: it’s an astronaut show in about 2050. There is a crew on a spaceship that is just starting a 6-year mission around the galaxy. One part of the show is set on the ship. The other part is set about 5 years earlier, when the current crew were trainee astronaut wannabees (less Livingston and Yoba, who were instructors) competing for a spot on the mission. Livingston and Yoba, in their characters Maddox Donner and Ted Shaw, had, five years before—this is now ten years before the mission—gone to Mars where, because of their officious ship commander and some bad “weather”, they stranded two people there to die, one of whom was Donner’s secret girlfriend/love-of-his-life. Donner is scarred by this. Five years later, in the five-years-ago-trainee period, he’s fallen for one of the trainees who he got pregnant even though he’s had a vasectomy. Let’s talk about that for a second, because it’s the other major plot device. There’s evidently some entity, “Beta,” who we haven’t seen, don’t know what it is, that communicates through images of a storm on Mars. Don’t ask, there’s nothing more I can tell you. Except it gave two crew members arterial plaque to disqualify them so Donner and Shaw could be on the mission, and it’s “changing the DNA” of not only the crew but also one of the Houston Flight Control people, who it also communicates with (it’s apparently fairly selective.) And it reversed Donner’s vasectomy. The only one who knows about Beta on the spaceship is Shaw, this mission’s commander, who can’t tell anyone. But a number of crew members are seeing things that aren’t there, and hearing things that aren’t there. Donner has seen the woman he left behind on Mars; Zoe (the trainee, now astronaut, who Donner now is falling for) is hearing a baby’s cry…she apparently aborted Donner’s child in the five-years-ago period.

Sound complicated enough?

Well, they kind of make it work. I have to say that I like it alot. It’s a very re-watchable show. I’ve seen several episodes more than once. They really replay well. But even as I watch it, I’m like, “there’s no way this show is going to get picked up.” But I really hope they do pick it up. What’s really extraordinary about this, and I find myself noticing it more and more, is how they use music within the show. They do it very, very well.

Oh, and one great thing? As of now, the first three episodes are free on iTunes.

So try out Defying Gravity.

How Are They Going To Not Get Cancelled With This Many People to Pay?

How Are They Going To Not Get Cancelled With This Many People to Pay?

Get a Better Logo

Get a Better Logo

iPhone Shuffle Whiplash

Mozart’s Requiem, Dies Irae, followed by…Kelly Clarkson.

My neck hurts.

Celebrity Traffic Whoring

Well, I posted the other day that my stats shot up this past weekend, and have actually kept up in the 50s for the last several days.  Mostly, if not entirely, for the Chuck review I did, with pictures of the stars (female and famous).  I think that I’ve gotten more hits from people searching for those stars (Yvonne Strahovski and Jordana Brewster) than for my posts. You’ve got to ask yourself, though, why now? Seriously, that post has been up for a little while now, maybe a week (Hello!? Went back and checked: it’s been up for almost three weeks!) But this weekend the traffic just pops. Jane says it’s my natural genius (however you spell it) coming through. I’d have to agree. Or it could be that I posted pictures of hot girls.

So here’s an interesting twist.  I’m going to post a picture of a famous actor and actress, once per week, and we’ll see who gets the most hits.  I’ll announce winners once a month.

Starting today:

Angelina Jolie and George Clooney.  Might as well start out with the biggies.

I look like him...except for that I don't

I look like him...except for that I don't

No one looks like her, except Megan Fox

No one looks like her, except Megan Fox

Feel free to nominate actors and actresses I should shamelessly rank on the site. My dream is that this will become a thing, and actors and actresses around the world will vie for the top spot on the Hank LNU contest. And I’ll win the lottery, and fly to LA on a unicorn. /sarcasm and dry wit.

Can I just say, Wow, these two are just too damn good looking.

It’s wrong of me to use these pictures to generate traffic, isn’t it?

All in the guise of a contest.

Sad, really.

By the way, and apropos of nothing whatsoever, can I get your opinion, Internet, of tattoos?  Me?  I hate them.  I don’t care if you look like Angelina, tattoos are just yucky. Hey, don’t hate me ’cause I’m honest. And no, not even a little one on the ankle.

It’s convenient that religious Jews aren’t allowed to have them anyway. Of course, even before I was religious, I didn’t like them. Not even in my most rebellious phase did I ever even come close to wanting to get a tattoo. Not once, not even the drunkest I’ve ever been, in the middle of my most rebellious phase, did I even consider it for a moment.

Well…My Sister is a Ship. We Had a Complicated Childhood.

I love Firefly.  The line is at 34:08.

At Hulu.

The Best Invention, Ever

Seriously, free TV on demand.  And some decent movies (Last of the Mohicans is on there).  I’m going through that great show, Firefly.  I also went through the entire 13-episode run of Six Degrees.  There was a reason it was cancelled, but it had one of my favorite actors.  I’m going to try to find my favorite scene with him and get back to you.  Look for updates.


Woo hoo!  I love the Internet era:

Great Photographs

I’m surfing the web with my son on my lap.  Going through Flickr like I go through blogs.  Very, very interesting.  Some are obviously pikers, like me.  But some are real photographers.

I remember feeling exactly like this when I used to read Runner’s World.  The runners there were real, well, runners.  I was a jogger.  They logged 40 miles a week.  I logged 6.  On a good week.  I felt like a dilettante.

Else Kramer is no dilettante.

Else Kramer’s photostream of her best shots.

UPDATE: By the way, I got that “pikers” term from Ben Affleck’s line in Boiler Room.  It’s at 2:51.

Surprise, Surprise

Well, I logged on today, the first time in a few days.  I’ve been sick, as my Twitter followers know.  Can I digress for a moment and say that I’m married, 10 years now, and I never had so many offers of sex when I was single as I do people “following” me on twitter, seeking sex.  It’s amazing.  Am I that virtually good looking?  Seriously, in the virtual world, am I a complete stud or something.  I know that I posted that picture of the guy with the abs that won’t stop, but I never seriously expected anyone to believe that was me.  And I’m getting these people following me on Twitter.  Though, they can’t spell.  They don’t want sex, they want sexx.  Or ssex.  Hmmm, do you imagine a swarm of purportedly hot women saying, “wow, Hank LNU sounds really sexy.  I think I’ll skip my remedial spelling class and go follow him on Twitter.”

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s spam.  I read recently that 90-95% of all email is spam.  The signal-to-noise ratio of information is horrible.  And the minute a new technology that people use gets developed, all of a sudden, people who want to exploit it figure out how.  It’s really annoying.

Or maybe I’m just that good looking and attractive.

OK, end of digression.

What I wanted to say was that when I logged in, for some reason yesterday was my second-best readership day ever.  I got something like 55 hits.  For me, that’s a huge jump.  Usually, it’s just Veaj coming by, maybe Rezzie, KJ, Jane, a couple others.  Which is fine by me.  Yesterday (a Saturday, remember), 55 people decided to come by and say hi.  And not all from the same place.  I could understand if I got an Instalanche.  Once, a major-league blogger linked to me.  This was before Hank, before BR, even.  And yowza, hundreds of hits.  But this was just 55 random people coming by.  Or Veaj coming by 55 separate times.  Which wouldn’t be above her (anyone remember the last time?  There’s a Toberlone in it if anyone does…except you, Veaj.)

So why the sudden popularity?  Or is the ‘sphere just recognizing my natural genius?

Feeling Like Crap

Last night I had 102 degree fever. I was chilled for a couple of hours, and then sweaty and hot for a couple of hours. No appetite, ravenous appetite. I can handle being sick, I don’t like not being the same kind of sick. Just one, please. I can handle the chills, but this variable symptom thing sucks.

This is Me, minus the bunny slippers

This is Me, minus the bunny slippers


Heaven help me, but I’ve become a member of the Starbucks nation.

My order today?

Grande no foam extra hot vanilla latte.

This from a guy whose usual order of a beverage is “a beer.” Or just “beer” if I’m in a mood. Resistance is futile.

Please Help Me…Or Shoot Me

I like another Taylor Swift song. “You Belong With Me.”

I can’t help it. Catchy tune. Tells a story, albeit a saccharine sweet high-school crush nerdy girl gets studly guy story. See, e.g., that movie with Freddie Prinze and…well, just any Freddie Prinze movie.

But I can’t help it.

There’s something wrong with me. Please help!

Here’s what I’m talking about.

In Other News: Hell Freezes Over

Mrs. LNU now has a blog!

I shit you not.  She told me last night that she wanted me to set her up with a blog!  Which I did, on blogger.  Which, for those of you who’ve been reading me long enough, know just how funny and ironic that is.

My life just keeps on getting weirder.

Two fer Friday

I know, I know. I should have posted this on Tuesday. I know. But I didn’t discover these two blogs until today, so today is when you get them. Very different. Very, very different. But both entertaining.

First, let’s start with a commenter. Kate. Her blog, Recommended Daily Dose, is a trip. Let’s start with the toilet paper graphic, which I don’t know whether it’s permanent or just happens to be on the top now. But for those of you who’ve been with me for a while, you’ll know I originally started as a blogger named Bathroom Reading. So as soon as I looked at Kate’s blog, I started feeling nostalgic.

So, because I’m feeling a little nostalgic, here’s a gratuitous blast from the past. A post I wrote a long time ago.  Another blast?  Veaj used to have a series on her blog, which I commented on way back when, and just came across it: The moment was NOTICED.  I loved that.

Anyway, back to our program.

The second blog is completely different.  I can’t quite get a handle on it.  It’s written, apparently, by a fashion model.  Which I frankly have a hard time believing; it never struck me that fashion models would have the time or inclination to blog.  Anyway, it’s a mixture of funny stories, drink recipes, food recipes, family stuff, and even one cartoon reprinting.  Each post seems to start with a picture, sans face, of a model, which I’m guessing is either our author or someone she wants us to think is her.

And she titled her blog Cocaine Princess.  Which I think means her blog will make for interesting reading.

On the other hand, what a great idea!  In fact, I’m going to start each of my posts from now on with this picture.

Do you think anyone will believe it’s me?

This is me!  And I have a bridge to sell you...connects Manhattan to Brooklyn!

This is me! And I have a bridge to sell you...connects Manhattan to Brooklyn!

Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

But these two blogs are each worth reading.

Oh, and Kate even commented on my last post. Very polite of her. You might remember that I’m all about blogiquette (blog etiquette).


Dear boys,

It’s time—well past time—for you to start sleeping in your own beds. But if not, there are going to be certain things you need to do. First of all, my younger one, you need to learn that the place where the pillows are, that’s where you put your head. And you align yourself with your feet pointing toward the TV. You do not lie perpendicular to it. And stop kicking your mother. Because when you kick her, she says—quite loudly—“stop kicking me.” This wakes up your father. Stop the cycle of sleeplessness, is what I’m saying.

And my elder, you need to figure out that it’s not proper conduct to wake me up at 2am, 2:20am, 2:40am, 3:25am, and 4:30am telling me that you want covers. Just pull up the damn covers. I tuck you in at the beginning of the evening, when you first come into the room. It’s not acceptable for you to a) kick off the covers and then b) wake me up to tell me to give you covers.

I always say that my kids are priceless. Until about 3am, then you can probably pick one up pretty cheap.

Love always,

Your father, who has a bruise on his forehead from where it hit the keyboard.

Alternating Periods

No, this isn’t a grammar post.

I’m feeling alternatively optimistic and depressed about the job situation. I’m terribly worried. The worst part is that I don’t know how worried I should be, so I constantly feel that I’m under-worrying.

I just want this to be over with.

How Do You Say “F&@k You” to a Terrorist?

This is how.

Rethinking This Morning

You know when something happens that causes you to totally rethink a prior time period? Like when you find out that someone actually didn’t do that thing that had you pissed off for the last three hours, and now you can’t be mad anymore? Your belief in reality and actual reality conflict, and that dissonance takes some time to resolve.

So this morning, I led services (in case you didn’t know, I’m very religious). Took about 45 minutes, then I talked to some people and hung out for another 10 minutes. Then left.

Walking down the steps and out the building, my pants felt a little weird.

Yes, my fly was open.

The whole time.

I’m a Little Pissed

Dear Internet,

WtF? All this time and you never told me about Family Guy? It’s been on for, like, 8 seasons! You couldn’t have said something? “Hank, there’s this really funny show you need to watch.” “Hank, seriously, dude, you have to see this.”


But noooooooooo, you just sat there feeling soooooo superior. (start childish sing-song-like tune) “I know something Hank doesn’t know.” (/childish sing-song tune)

Seriously, the first episode made me cry I was laughing so hard. Somewhere between the dog hitting the father on the nose, the child doing the Mwa-ha-ha, or the daughter’s sagging lips, I figured out that this was one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen.

So really, thanks for nothin’ Internet.

Still Love You,


Dammit, People…Comment!

I’m posting! Why aren’t you commenting! You’re not keeping up your end of the bargain.

Time to Change the iPod Songs

You know it’s time to change the songs on my iPhone when, as soon as I make a call to a buddy, I advance to the next song because I don’t want him to hear the Kelly Clarkson song I was listening to.

New Blog, Kind of

So you might remember Bryanna. As it turns out, she moved to London, and she’s blogging under Vodka and Chaka Khan.

I was a fan then, and I’m a fan now. She has serious guts, picking up and moving to London like she did. I have a tendency to respect people who do things that I don’t have the guts to do. And that’s not theoretical, I didn’t have the guts to do what she did; it’s something I thought about once, but didn’t do anything about.

And while I love my life, there are two or three life-change moments that went one way or the other, and when I daydream, or reminisce, it’s these moments I come back to. What if I made a different choice? Where would my life be? What if I told person A that I was totally and completely head over heels, when I was but my feelings were unrequited. What if I stayed with person B after that argument instead of leaving.

I always come back to my life, because I love where I am right now, and wouldn’t change it for the world. You can take all my what-ifs for just one of my four little ones.

But those places of changed pasts are fun to visit, you know?

Frightened Rabbit

Poor Little Rabbit

So I did the whole buy-one-song-on-iTunes-then-buy-lots-more-by-the-same-band thing I seem to do every so often. This time, it was Frightened Rabbit (see my Chuck post below).

One of the songs is called “The Twist.” It’s awesome! And I love the lyrics. So sad and dejected—which you all know suits my mood right now. But kind of funny in a loser-ish way:

You twist and whisper the wrong name
I don’t care nor do my ears
Twist yourself around me
I need company I need human heat
I need human heat

Lets pretend I’m attractive and then
You won’t mind, you can twist for a while
It’s the night, I can be who you like
And I’ll quietly leave before it gets light

To which I reply, “Dude…man up!”

I also love the lyrics to “Keep Yourself Warm,” which is the song I talk about below, from the Chuck episode. The line I really love there is “It’s takes more than f$#%*ing someone you don’t know to keep warm.” Which is true, but still pretty graphic. The whole song is graphic, by the way. But really, really good. Of course, what can you expect from a song which also has the lyrics: “If we have a hormone race, I’m bound to finish first.”

Can you just imagine a hormone race? I’m picturing Natalie Wood holding the scarf as two people in their hot rods gun their engines.

Like this:

Not Family Friends, But It Fits, Right?

Not Family Friendly, But It Fits, Right?