Category Archives: My Life

iPhone Shuffle Whiplash

Mozart’s Requiem, Dies Irae, followed by…Kelly Clarkson.

My neck hurts.

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Starbucks

Heaven help me, but I’ve become a member of the Starbucks nation.

My order today?

Grande no foam extra hot vanilla latte.

This from a guy whose usual order of a beverage is “a beer.” Or just “beer” if I’m in a mood. Resistance is futile.

Sleepytime

Dear boys,

It’s time—well past time—for you to start sleeping in your own beds. But if not, there are going to be certain things you need to do. First of all, my younger one, you need to learn that the place where the pillows are, that’s where you put your head. And you align yourself with your feet pointing toward the TV. You do not lie perpendicular to it. And stop kicking your mother. Because when you kick her, she says—quite loudly—“stop kicking me.” This wakes up your father. Stop the cycle of sleeplessness, is what I’m saying.

And my elder, you need to figure out that it’s not proper conduct to wake me up at 2am, 2:20am, 2:40am, 3:25am, and 4:30am telling me that you want covers. Just pull up the damn covers. I tuck you in at the beginning of the evening, when you first come into the room. It’s not acceptable for you to a) kick off the covers and then b) wake me up to tell me to give you covers.

I always say that my kids are priceless. Until about 3am, then you can probably pick one up pretty cheap.

Love always,

Your father, who has a bruise on his forehead from where it hit the keyboard.

Alternating Periods

No, this isn’t a grammar post.

I’m feeling alternatively optimistic and depressed about the job situation. I’m terribly worried. The worst part is that I don’t know how worried I should be, so I constantly feel that I’m under-worrying.

I just want this to be over with.

Rethinking This Morning

You know when something happens that causes you to totally rethink a prior time period? Like when you find out that someone actually didn’t do that thing that had you pissed off for the last three hours, and now you can’t be mad anymore? Your belief in reality and actual reality conflict, and that dissonance takes some time to resolve.

So this morning, I led services (in case you didn’t know, I’m very religious). Took about 45 minutes, then I talked to some people and hung out for another 10 minutes. Then left.

Walking down the steps and out the building, my pants felt a little weird.

Yes, my fly was open.

The whole time.

Time to Change the iPod Songs

You know it’s time to change the songs on my iPhone when, as soon as I make a call to a buddy, I advance to the next song because I don’t want him to hear the Kelly Clarkson song I was listening to.

The Voices in My Head

You’re Not Good Enough

I’m reading a book now, How: Why HOW We Do Anything Means Everything…in Business (and in Life) by Dov Seidman.  In it, the author talks about how our minds get in our way:

…[W]e all have voices in our heads.  Each represents a part of our personality or experience—like integrity, insecurity, resistance, or comfort with authority, or compassion—and at different times each voice exerts primacy or influence over our actions.  [After a slight insult by our boss]…[w]e have a noisy conversation with the voice inside that still resents that teacher.

[Digression alert: I for some reason really like that “slight” can both modify “insult” and be a synonym for it]

As I’m looking for a job, I hear the derisive voice more and more often in my head, “why would anyone pay you [my current salary].”  [Ed. note: No, it’s none of your business.]  “You’re just not worth it.  What value can you possibly bring to any company that would make you worth the effort.  In fact, you’re not going to get anyone to even hire you.”  Which is immediately followed by the super-derisive voice: “you’re not a real man, you’re not going to be able to support your family.  You’ll lose the house.  Your wife won’t respect you, your kids will treat you differently because they’ll sense Mommy’s disappointment and resentment.”

Then the really dark thoughts begin.

And I have to take notice of Patton’s famous quote: “Never take counsel of your fears.”  [Another ed. note: As I was fact-checking, I found out that this quote was said not by Patton but by Andrew Jackson.  In fact, Patton said something almost exactly opposite, “There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear.”  Another Patton quote?  “Never tell people how to do things.  Tell them what to do and they’ll surprise you with their ingenuity.”  I thought this one was also relevant to our discussion here.]

My voices come in many flavors: the one I just described is my insecure voice.  My dark voice.  I wonder how many people have an overdeveloped dark voice.  I think a lot.  Mine is, I think, normal-sized.  I am able to tone it down internally, and turn up other voices.  I think that ability comes from—and I’m sorry if I sound like a wuss—being loved as a child.  Mrs. LNU once said about me: “I can tell you were really loved as a child.”  She was being slightly sarcastic, but it was true.  That childhood love formed a fortress that I can go back to.  And the love of my wife and kids makes a huge difference too.  I am a good father.  I have nothing to prove to anyone. 

And finally, my religion is a big piece of that too.  Our definition of happiness is someone satisfied with their portion.  I am.  Fundamentally, I’m a happy person.  That makes the dark voice easier to shout down. 

Never take counsel of your fears.  My fears are controllable.

I have to say this post didn’t go where I thought it would at the beginning, but here we are.

Have a good day.