My Come-uppance; Or Cup…pance

I used to mock people who went to Starbucks.

“It’s overpriced,” I’d say.

“Who’d pay $4 for a cup of coffee?” I’d ask.

“Do people realize how stupid they sound ordering a ‘venti half double decaf caramel macchiato no foam?’” I’d inquire.

Says the person who just paid $4 for a grande skim no-foam latte.

What’s happened to me?

I used to be such a normal guy. I barely recognize myself.

Is there group therapy for this?

* * * * *

I celebrated the end of Passover yesterday with a disgusting display of carbohydrates. An Entemann’s cinnamon danish (440 calories), chocolate (one godiva, one almond M&Ms), coffee (just regular ol’ joe), peanuts, and cheez-its. Basically an entire box of cheez-its. Hey, it’s not all bad. It “contains 100% real cheese.” Made with skim milk, even. Of course, on the ingredients, it lists cheese right after “vegetable oil (canola, cottonseed, palm, sunflower, and/or partially hydrogenated soybean oil with TBHQ for freshness).”

I don’t know which is worse, the list of oils, or the “and/or,” which tells me that they’re not even sure which oils are in there.

Oh, and I looked up “TBHQ.” It’s tert-butylhydroquinone.  A preservative for fats. Which probably is as disgusting as it sounds.

And I learned something else. There’s such a thing as too much information.

Because I really wanted to know the chemical composition looked like this:

Actually, no, I didn’t.

Although, there must be a joke to be made somewhere about the “Ho” on the left, and the “Oh” on the right.

But I guess I haven’t had enough of my grande no-foam skim latte to reach for it yet.

Have I mentioned that I really hate all-day, everyday meetings? I’m sure you professionals out there know what I’m talking about. I’m on day 1 of 3 1/2 days of all-day meetings. I have a little break right now, but I have to go back in any minute now.

If my posts are fewer and farther between, now you know why. Meetings kills brain cells faster than any other method I know.

Under Water

I’m so swamped.  So very, very swamped.  Besides work, and home, it’s Passover.  Which means I can’t have real coffee, only the instant crap.

Can you imagine how pissed at the world I am?  No coffee.

Should I say that again?  

No coffee.

Not even a little bit.

Maybe one more time will drive the message home.

No coffee.

So I’m sitting here watching NCIS on my new 24″ iMac.  With the TV writers strike, I’ve had to, how shall we say, branch out in my TV watching.  I’ve gone through 2 1/2 seasons of Prison Break, 1 1/2 seasons of The Loop, 1 1/2 seasons of Brotherhood, and one episode of Forever Knight.  Which was really, really bad.  Forgive me.  But I like vampire stuff, so bite me.  

The pun was intended.

Have I mentioned how tired I am?

I Need Some Advice, Internet

OK, so I need to know what level of gross factor this is:

Suppose someone—who shall remain unnamed—threw away three containers of peanut butter (it’s almost Passover, and peanut butter is verbotten). I This person then went down to the cafeteria and bought lunch.  But unlike past days, in the cafeteria this day were some really delicious-looking Golden Delicious apples.

You have to understand, these apples are best when eaten with peanut butter.  So this person then went back to the trash can and dug out his jar of peanut butter.  The jar was always closed up.  There was nothing else in the trash can when I this person picked it out.

What’s the gross-factor rating on this one?

A Keeper

So I might have mentioned that I’ve been blogsurfing a little, and not finding anything I like, or at least that I’m willing to spend my time reading. I’m turning into an old fogey, I know. Though I recently heard the term “young fogey” which captures me exactly. (I collect old fountain pens and very old maps).

Anyway, all that sifting through crap to find The Art of Overthinking. I like to think I have an eye for talent: I can claim that I found MooCow before just about anyone else (and where the hell is that guy, anyway?), and I recommended Veaj way back in December 2004. Back when she was in the lobby.

And you know that I had to be impressed because her top post, at least right now, is a meme. And you all know me to be meme-phobic. But in the same post is a photo-comparison of her and Kellie Martin, who she calls “prissy pants.” While admitting the resemblance.

Just go take a look. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised, and entertained.

Don’t Get It

Now, you all know I’m a bit of a prude. Or, to be fair, just very, very conservative.

That said, I’m a (relatively) young, heterosexual male, and so I’m a fan of Angelina, Jaclyn Smith, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and the Super Bowl. And as you can see from my banner, the Red Sox. All masculine pursuits.

I had a friend who was married to a guy who she caught having cybersex. I don’t even know what that means, really, because the terms are self-contradictory. If it’s “cyber,” then it’s not “sex.” But trying to put the Internet and logic in the same room always leads to a migraine.

I never saw the appeal of sex on the Internet. Of course, I never saw the appeal of watching golf on TV. Playing it, yes. Watching it, no.

I’m getting around, slowly, to my point.

So I was blogsurfing just now. I played a little game with myself: start on a page with a lot of links. In this case, I started with Lisa B in Da City. [And thanks Lisa for putting my blog on your list of daily reads.] Anyway, so start with Lisa B, and click on whatever link strikes your fancy, just from the name. I went somewhere, and on that site, clicked through on another link, and another, andd another.

The thing I don’t like, particularly, is that by the third site, I was reading essentially porn. It was one site after the next with sex stories. Now, Girl with a One Track Mind does it well. Most others just end up sounding classless. Is that judgmental? And I feel a little judgmental, because most of these idiots were young women who were trying to do something, I don’t know what, but they end up sounding overwritten.

Anyway, I’ll write more tomorrow.  I’m wiped.

Too Much

Ever had so much to do that you just can’t motivate?

That’s so where I am right now.  Feeling blah, and enervated.

And I can’t seem to get excited about anything, including the blogsurfing I’ve been doing for the last 45 minutes.

And there were some blogs to get excited about, too: Gooseberried, Michelle & the City. Good stuff. But I have to wonder because they’re getting around 40 comments per post, so it really feels that my linking to them would be superfluous. Thanks, Hank. Thanks for nothin’.

Then I remember (that is, just now, as I wrote that little piece of depression-on-a-stick) that at the battle of Marathon—this is the Athenians against the Persians—in the 5th Century BCE, on the eve of the battle, little Plataea sent aid. In a battle of 10,000 Athenians against 250,000 Persians, Plataea sent 1,000 men. Athens had aided them once before, and this was a thank you. They arrived on the eve of battle.

Can you imagine the morale boost? Athens stood alone. Against Darius, King of Persia. A king who had known only victory, and conquered everything he desired. 10,000 against 250,000 (and that’s a conservative number). Sparta wouldn’t send help (for weirdo reasons), no one else would go against Darius. This was a battle that would decide the fate of Western civilization. If Darius defeated Athens, there would be no stopping a sweep through the Med and Western Europe. No one could stop them. Syracuse wasn’t powerful enough. Sparta wasn’t.  Rome, then, wasn’t.

And on the eve of battle, 1,000 Plataeans show up. Athens wasn’t alone. To the battle itself, the Plataeans didn’t matter. They weren’t as well trained as the Athenians. Nor likely were they as well armed. But the symbolism!

And after Athens won? (n.b. After the battle, the Persians got on their boats and, realizing that with the Athenian army at Marathon, that Athens itself was open to attack, sailed toward Athens. The Athenian army ran from Marathon back to Athens. When the Persians arrived, they found the Athenians guarding the city, and sailed home in defeat. Which is where we get the concept of a marathon race, though Marathon is closer to 20 miles from Athens than 26.2.)

After Athens won, they protected Plataea from then on. No one could challenge Plataea’s independence without Athens rising to protect it.

So go read Michelle & the City. She’s funny. And even if I only send her two visitors, maybe she’ll protect me from rampaging Persians sometime in the future.  And while you’re at it, read Gooseberried, too.

Stranger things have happened.

What Veaj Did To Me Once

So once I had a challenge on my old blog. Basically, I was a little bit of a comment whore. Back in the day. Nothing like now. Now I don’t care. Really.

Really.

So I had this challenge way back when I was on the stroll for comments. If I got fifty comments, then the fiftieth commenter would get to choose a song for me to sing, and I’d have to sing it, and record it, and post it. Ouch.

So as normal I got about 10 comments (which is the most I ever get. How do others do it?), and what does Veaj do? She leaves me 40 comments one after the other. I think the last 20 or so just had the number left to 50. Like my own countdown.

Then she had me sing “What the World Needs Now.” But being the man, and not being a weltcher. I did it.

So why do I bring this up now?

I forget.

Go Screw Yourself, Barack

Don’t you just love this quote from Obama, just reported on Drudge? He’s talking about small-town folk (like me).

And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations…

So I cling to religion because I’m bitter and frustrated, huh?

All due respect, Senator, but blow me.

Sorry, I don’t usually get political, this just pissed me off.

I’m Usually Not This Stupid

So I’m eating these delightfully delicious Godiva Chocoiste things.  It’s not a bar, exactly.  Two small bars, about an inch long, that’s just chocolate covered caramel.

Hey, I’m a full service site:

Anyway, that’s just me learning the flashy WordPress image importing.  Sorry.

I’m sitting here with my coffee and chocolate, which really are two great tastes that taste great together.  And I take a sip of my coffee and then a bite of my chocolate.

One other piece of information.  In the lobby store where I work, they sell a couple of different kinds of these Chocoiste things.  Dark chocolate with chocolate caramel, milk chocolate with vanilla caramel, you get the idea.  I like the milk chocolate, but the key is that there are different flavors.

I take a bite of my chocolate, and say to myself, “wow, this doesn’t taste like vanilla.  Maybe I bought the coffee one by mistake.”

He says, as he looks down and sees, right next to the chocolate, his cup of coffee!

I know you won’t believe me now, but I really am an intelligent guy.

Oh Comely.

Here’s the song that I wrote about below. It’s Oh Comely by Neutral Milk Hotel.

Oh Comely